The Big 4

It is with great excitement that I write this entry, because I have been waiting for it! The topic I will write about it fairly new to my life, but it is really important to me. So here goes! :)

Two years ago I was at a winter bible camp, it went over the new year, from 2011-2012. The speaker for the weekend was my current pastor, but not at the time. I remember walking back through the kitchen to grab a bag of skittles from the cooler, near where he and his wife were sitting at a counter talking. When I walked back by him for the second time, on my way out, he stopped me. Not knowing him very well, he intimidated me, so when he told me to stop for a second, I was worried. I thought maybe there had been a misunderstanding and I was in trouble, or whatever other ridiculous things might have been running through my dramatic mind at the time. I was surprised at what actually happened.

Instead of anything that I was thinking, he asked me a shocking question, one that I thought might have been a trick question until it unraveled. He asked me, straightforward and bluntly, "Melany, what kind of man would you like to marry?". Not only was I very confused and shocked, I had no idea how to answer. I could think of some things that I definitely didn't want, but only the faults and negative things that obviously no one is looking for. After contemplating for as long as wouldn't feel awkward, I told him that I didn't know. He said I should think about it for a while, and then made small talk with a friend that had been with me. While they talked I realized, the only thing I knew for sure, non-negotiable that I wanted, was a Christian man. When they finished, I told him, and he just sort of agreed. That was the end of it.

I didn't see him very often at the time, not being an attendant to the same church. The next time I saw him, was when my family did start attending that church. He asked me the same question again. The first time he did, I hadn't really thought about it much afterwards, but this time I really was wondering, what DO I want? So we started talking about it, and he gave me 4 points from the book of Ephesians. We started calling them the "Big 4". I am very very thankful for that, it was awesome for me to learn.
Ephesians 5:25-33 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." 

This very clearly explains that marriage is an image of Christ and His bride. To love as he loved us, and show that through the unity of the marriage commitment. The four points that the passage explains are the traits of a desirable husband, and what I, without negotiation, am looking for in a future spouse: protect, provide, nourish, and cherish. These are not in order of importance, just how I personally remember them (when teaching this to the junior high girls at Camp Joy last summer, they remembered them by saying "P, P, ish, ish" :)).

1. Protect
This point is one of the less obvious ones, because it is not blatantly pointed out, but it is still said. When it describes how Christ treats the church, and how the said man is to love his wife as himself, it implies protection. You obviously are going to protect yourself, especially if you love yourself (which we all do, in one way or another). And in the beginning of the passage about Christ and his bride, He is protecting "her" by keeping away from "spot or wrinkle or any such things, that she might be holy and without blemish" (27b) A good husband will protect.

2. Provide 
This one is something I'm sure any woman wants, a man who will provide for her and necessarily, their family. A man with an instinct to care for them- no matter what that may mean- is a very desirable trait.
This does not imply that there is anything wrong with a marriage having a wife who works also, the Proverbs 31 woman works and raises money as well, and that is a revered picture of a good wife. No marriage is cookie cutter, some situations may be different, but the fact still stands, that it is finally the man's job to provide.

3. Nourish
This is exactly stated in the Ephesians passage. It tells about how a nourishing husband will work hard to treat his wife as Christ treats us.  A husband who nourishes his wife means everything from helping her in her walk with the Lord (being the head of the household) to things such as valuing and working towards their relationship, not purposefully putting her through anything, but caring about her well being and happiness.

4. Cherish
Most women and girls, have things they want in a man such as: romantic, sweet, thoughtful, ect. and those all fit into this point. A cherishing husband, or potential husband, will also be respectful of things such as your purity. If a man cherishes you, why would he push you into things or provoke anything? But a cherishing man would hold things off, respect you, and treat you as he should. I find this point one that I think about because of how romantic and sweet it is. Cherish is a word you don't hear very often, but it is a beautiful word. Especially how it has been stated in this passage, having a man who cherishes you, holds you dear to him, and loves you more than himself, is such an incredible picture.

I will not settle for anything less than these qualities. I recognize that any man who may have these traits, is also imperfect, but if he is a good Christian man who will protect, provide, nourish, and cherish me, who understands that we are all D.R.F.S.S.S., then he also understands the grace of our Savior, meaning he would work hard daily to meet these qualifications, and that's what I'm looking for :) So now knowing what I want, I also can avoid drama and confusion that often comes from now knowing what you want.

This goes hand in hand with a previous blog entry of mine, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and I am very thankful for the opportunity to learn and understand these things at a young age, I recognize that it is a huge blessing, and that's why I want to share :)